The Adventures of Toady!

Toady is a public servant who attends the San Diego Gay Pride Parade, and possibly others, informing the participants that homosexuality is a sin, just in case they didn't know. He aquired the nickname Toady as a result of his resemblence to the animal.

Sometimes when addressing a crowd full of sinners, it can be difficult to say the right thing, so I have complied a list of some of his most clever sayings and when to say them. Because truly, he is a role model for us all.

Occasion What to say
Addressing a large crowd "Homos and homo-ettes"
(homo-ettes? homoettes? No idea how to spell that.)
A passing swim team Remind them that soon they'll "be swimming in a Lake of Fire!"
A fat person "You'll make a big splash in the Lake of Fire!"
A large float with sinful quantities of balloons "God will pop your balloon on Judgment Day!"
A lull in the parade


"Where is the rest of the parade? Why can't you people get it together? Why can't you get your lives together?"

People dancing "There will be no party in Hell! You will not see your friends in Hell! There will be no dancing in Hell!"
A passing drag queen "Queenie queenie queenie! You'll meet The King on Judgement day!"
"Reaching out" to the gay community "I think you're all normal. I think inside of each one of you, there is a person just like me, waiting to come out. I'm coming out of the closet - I'm in love with a man who died for my sins and in whose blood I cover myself."