Chain letter: Brittany

Brittney loved basketball
Friends and parties too
And when it came to painting
That's all she wanted to do
She painted everything she saw
Birds, flowers, the sky
Some days she sat at her window
And painted everything that passed her by
But lately she'd been feeling woozy
Her muscles ached a lot
And her parents got kind of worried
So they took her to the doc

The doctor took a couple of tests
To see if everything was okay
Then the nurse came out with a look of sadness
And this is what she had to say;
"I'm sorry but you've got leukemia,"
"You've got about 3 months more."

Then Brittney got up and ran out of the room
And slammed the office door

She ran down the street screaming
And cried her eyes out dry
And stayed up all night
Wondering what it's like to die
Her parents held her tightly
And said, "We love you,"
"We'll make your last few months the greatest,"

"We'll do anything for you."

So Brittney and her parents moved to Florida
To live by the sea
Because Brittney loved the ocean
And when she dies, that's where she wanted to be
She spent her days painting
And horseback riding in by the bay
But one day she met this guy
And his name was Jay

They collected seashells together
And talked about all kinds of things
And then one day while walking
He handed her a ring
It said, "I love you,"
Which brought tears to Brittney's eyes
And when he put it on her finger
She began to cry

"I've got leukemia, and about a month more."
He said," No matter what, I love you,"
"And no matter what, you are the one I adore."

So they spent everyday together
And swam in the Atlantic all day
But Brittney was getting weaker
And it was hard for her stay awake

So one day Brittney painted her picture
And gave it to Jay
She said, "I want you to remember me,"
"Even when I leave this place."
But one day while they were walking
And searching for seashells in the sand
Brittney collapsed and started to lose her breath
And said to Jay, "Please hold my hand."

"I love you more than anyone,"
"You are my only true love,"
"But now my time is up,"
"And I'll watch over you from above,"

Then Brittney's body was lifeless
As she lay in Jay's arms
And he sat there all day
And kept her safe from harm

I hope this teaches you a lesson.
To tell someone you love them whenever you can.
Because maybe they'll be gone tomorrow.
And you won't be there to hold their hand.
Because love is everything to everybody.
Without it, the world would be dead.
So always tell someone you love them.
A parent, a lover, a friend.
Send this to everyone you know,
it makes a big difference even though
you don't think so...
Everyone deserves an "I love you."
Because there may be
No one for that person to say it back to.
If you don't, the same shall happen to you.
You might not have the same disease,
but you will be dying of early age.

Send this to 6 people or more.
If you get it back they love you too.
This is a true story.
If you don't send it, then you have no heart.

Additional cruel and sarcastic commentary by KJ
Wasn't that beautiful? I love how it just comes out and says "YOU HAVE NO HEART!!!!!!!". The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking "I'll send this to Alexana, she'll get a good laugh at it," Then it had to throw that little tidbit at the end. Which just made the poem. I was very tempted to not forward it just to be devoid of a heart in the eyes of the sensative, intelligent, individual who wrote this, who, as we can plainly see, has corn for brains. But then there would be no one to whitness my evil, evil, un-forwarded-e-mail deeds...

What Alexana had to say about it

I've gotten this before... I vomited then, too...Stupid, stupid person. I say you should put it up on your webpage "stupid CHEESY poems written by people who don't know how to count/recognize syllables..." just because the last word of each line rhymes doesn't mean the "piece" has any rythm or that it's a poem... stupid, STUPID people...
last comment: that was shitty :)

She said this in a seperate e-mail:
I received a forward with was a "poem" (just because a couple of words rhyme here and there doesn't mean it's a poem!!!!!!!!!!) it was a narrative of some stupid girl-- her name is Brittney! come on!
She loves life, she falls in love, she dies. Moral of the story: tell your loved ones you love them. As it closed with a plea to forward the stupid thing it ended with the words "if you dont' send it, then you have no heart

"Actually, I *do* have heart, that's why I'm not going to forward it."

Natalie and Kelly's version:

This chick can't rhyme for shit, as if all poems need to rhyme anyway
* = added by Natalie and Kelly
"Always Say I Love You"

Brittney loved basketball
Friends and parties too
*and SEX!!!!
And when it came to painting
That's all she wanted to do
*and have SEX!!!
She painted everything she saw
Birds, flowers, the sky
*and PENISES!
Some days she sat at her window
And painted everything that passed her by
*or fucked whoever passed by
But lately she'd been feeling woozy
Her muscles ached a lot
And her parents got kind of worried
So they took her to the doc

The doctor took a couple of tests
To see if everything was okay
Then the nurse came out with a look of sadness
And this is what she had to say;
"I'm sorry but you've got leukemia,"
*well, really AIDS
"You've got about 3 months more."
Then Brittney got up and ran out of the room
And slammed the office door

She ran down the street screaming
And cried her eyes out dry
And stayed up all night
*fucking
Wondering what it's like to die
Her parents held her tightly
And said, "We love you,"
"We'll make your last few months the greatest,"
"We'll do anything for you."

So Brittney and her parents moved to Florida
To live by the sea
Because Brittney loved the ocean
*and to fuck
And when she dies, that's where she wanted to be
She spent her days painting
*and having sex
And horseback riding in by the bay
*and having sex
But one day she met this guy
And his name was Jay
*(and you know she used that name cuz it was the only thing that rhymed with bay and she is too sucky a poet to use any vocabulary higher than 2nd grade level in her poem.)
*he also lived by the bay
and was gay
he used to always say,
"I am gay. I am Jay. I live by the bay.
I eat hay. I like to lay. Can I fuck you today, if I may?"

They collected seashells together
And talked about all kinds of things
*and fucked
And then one day while walking
*after they'd sexed for 5 hours straight
He handed her a ring
*well, really a mint-flavored condom
It said, "I love you,"
*you're a good sexer
Which brought tears to Brittney's eyes
And when he put it on her finger
*really her penis
She began to cry

"I've got leukemia, and about a month more."
*actually it was AIDS and she'd already given it to Jay who liked to *lay by the bay and eat hay all day. Plus he was gay!
He said," No matter what, I love you,"
"And no matter what, you are the one I adore."
*and like to fuck
So they spent everyday together
*sexing
And swam in the Atlantic all day
*naked
(note: this is a contradiction of the line where she states that she lived by the bay. The Atlantic is not a bay, sorry)
But Brittney was getting weaker
And it was hard for her stay awake
*or fuck, for that matter
So one day Brittney painted her picture
*naked
And gave it to Jay
She said, "I want you to remember me,"
"Even when I leave this place."
*and he would as he lay in his bed dying of the STD she had so kindly bestowed upon him
note: SHE DIDN'T RHYME!!!! JAY AND PLACE DO NOT RHYME OR SOUND ANYTHING ALIKE! SHE SHOULD BE DAMNED TO HELL FOR MAKING A POEM THAT DOESN'T RHYME!

But one day while they were walking
And searching for seashells in the sand
*naw, they were SEXING
Brittney collapsed and started to lose her breath
And said to Jay, "Please hold my hand."

"I love you more than anyone,"
"You are my only true love,"
*and good sexer
"But now my time is up,"
"And I'll watch over you from above,"

Then Brittney's body was lifeless
As she lay in Jay's arms
And he sat there all day
*and fucked her, being the Necrophiliac he was
And kept her safe from harm

I hope this teaches you a lesson.
To tell someone you love them whenever you can.
*and fuck til ya drop down dead
Because maybe they'll be gone tomorrow.
And you won't be there to hold their hand.
*or sex them
Because love is everything to everybody.
*actually sex is...
Without it, the world would be dead.
So always tell someone you love them.
*and sex them
A parent, a lover, a friend.
Send this to everyone you know,
*and be sure to fuck them
it makes a big difference even though
you don't think so...
Everyone deserves an "I love you."
*or fuck every now and then
Because there may be
No one for that person to say it back to.
*or fuck
If you don't, the same shall happen to you.
You might not have the same disease,
but you will be dying of early age.
*and never get a fuck in your life
Send this to 6 people or more.
If you get it back they love you too.
*and want to sex you
This is a true story.
If you don't send it, then you have no heart.
*nor a penis

More Additional commentary by Natalie and Kelly
That was stupid. That whole poem bit she was going for sucked. Besides, that was a dumb story. We like our version much better. We all really know whts Brittney was up to. Leukemia my ass! That bitch got an STD and gave it to everyone... even gay Jay. (psst.... and she was a MAN too!) Betcha didn't know that. Isn't it funny how sweet something can look on the outside til ya find out the real story? This chick should write for disney. Too bad she sucks. We like her sugarcoating technique. Well thank you, you dumbass girl out there. You amused us much. And thank you KJ, for sharing. NOW, BE SURE TO FUCK OR YOU HAVE NO HEART (OR PENIS)!!!!!!!!
P.S. We fuck and have penises cuz we sent it to 7 PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

Shannon's draft, built off the above:

Ý added by shannon

"Always Say I Love You"

Brittney loved basketball
Friends and parties too
*and SEX!!!!
And when it came to painting
That's all she wanted to do
*and have SEX!!!
Ý portraits in the nude
She painted everything she saw
Birds, flowers, the sky
*and PENISES!
Ý GIGANTES
Some days she sat at her window
Ý to stalk the neighbors
And painted everything that passed her by
*or fucked whoever passed by
Ý namely small children she was a pedophile
But lately she'd been feeling woozy
Her muscles ached a lot
Ý she participated in much physical activity
And her parents got kind of worried
Ý they opened her metal box by dropping the hammer a few too many times
So they took her to the doc
Ý the psychic mother (who calls the doctor doc anyway)>
The doctor took a couple of tests
t preganancy tests
To see if everything was okay
Ý and obviously it would not be okay or this would be a dumb poem even though it already is
Then the nurse came out with a look of sadness
Ý because she missed GIGANTE
And this is what she had to say;
Ý i am gay
"I'm sorry but you've got leukemia,"
*well, really AIDS
Ý and you are pregnant
"You've got about 3 months more."
Ý if you are lucky
Then Brittney got up and ran out of the room
And slammed the office door

She ran down the street screaming
Ý and of course no one thought this was odd at all
And cried her eyes out dry
Ý about two minutes later
And stayed up all night
*fucking
Wondering what it's like to die
Her parents held her tightly
And said, "We love you,"
"We'll make your last few months the greatest,"
"We'll do anything for you."

So Brittney and her parents moved to Florida
Ý who the hell would not to go to florida for their last days *they might as well die and go to hell it is the same thing. ( i think *only karl would understand this, unless you have been to florida)
To live by the sea
Because Brittney loved the ocean
*and to fuck
Ý yes and you move to florida to fuck with who? the old people.
And when she dies, that's where she wanted to be
She spent her days painting
*and having sex
And horseback riding in by the bay
*and having sex
Ý mad monkey love
But one day she met this guy
Ý he was 75 with lots of money
And his name was Jay
*(and you know she used that name cuz it was the only thing that rhymed with bay and she is too sucky a poet to use any vocabulary higher than 2nd grade level in her poem.)
*he also lived by the bay
and was gay
he used to always say,
"I am gay. I am Jay. I live by the bay.
I eat hay. I like to lay. Can I fuck you today, if I may?"
Ý and he was 75

They collected seashells together
Ý yeah i bet
And talked about all kinds of things
*and fucked
Ý because the were both going to die soon obviously
And then one day while walking
*after they'd sexed for 5 hours straight
Ý they had to take a break every two hours for his medication
He handed her a ring
*well, really a mint-flavored condom
It said, "I love you,"
*you're a good sexer
Ý he wrote it on with marker
Which brought tears to Brittney's eyes
And when he put it on her finger
*really her penis
She began to cry

"I've got leukemia, and about a month more."
*actually it was AIDS and she'd already given it to Jay who liked to lay by the bay and eat hay all day. Plus he was gay!
Ý that is ok, i am jsut using you
He said," No matter what, I love you,"
"And no matter what, you are the one I adore."
*and like to fuck
Ý adore rhymes with whore
So they spent everyday together
*sexing
And swam in the Atlantic all day
*naked
(note: this is a contradiction of the line where she states that she lived by the bay. The Atlantic is not a bay, sorry)
But Brittney was getting weaker
Ý so he found her mom
And it was hard for her stay awake
*or fuck, for that matter
Ý and so he lahd her mom, and she would constantl tell him they were a weird family.
So one day Brittney painted her picture
*naked
And gave it to Jay
She said, "I want you to remember me,"
"Even when I leave this place."
*and he would as he lay in his bed dying of the STD she had so kindly bestowed upon him note: SHE DIDN'T RHYME!!!! JAY AND PLACE DO NOT RHYME OR SOUND ANYTHING ALIKE! SHE SHOULD BE DAMNED TO HELL FOR MAKING A POEM THAT DOESN'T RHYME!

But one day while they were walking
And searching for seashells in the sand
*naw, they were SEXING
Brittney collapsed and started to lose her breath
And said to Jay, "Please hold my hand."
Ý but he knew where it ahd been so he declined and went for a drink

"I love you more than anyone,"
"You are my only true love,"
*and good sexer
"But now my time is up,"
"And I'll watch over you from above,"
Ý he had finally come back for the last line

Then Brittney's body was lifeless
As she lay in Jay's arms
And he sat there all day
*and fucked her, being the Necrophiliac he was
Ý and wondered if it was too late to get money for her organs
And kept her safe from harm
Ý until of course the tide came because he did not want to get wet

I hope this teaches you a lesson.
Ý never fuck a teenage girl when you are 75
To tell someone you love them whenever you can.
*and fuck til ya drop down dead
Because maybe they'll be gone tomorrow.
And you won't be there to hold their hand.
*or sex them
Because love is everything to everybody.
*actually sex is...
Without it, the world would be dead.
Ý but you already are dead so it would not matter would it
So always tell someone you love them.
*and sex them
A parent, a lover, a friend.
Ý or a stranger
Send this to everyone you know,
*and be sure to fuck them
it makes a big difference even though
Ý they think you are dumber than before
you don't think so...
Everyone deserves an "I love you."
*or fuck every now and then
Because there may be
No one for that person to say it back to.
*or fuck
If you don't, the same shall happen to you.
You might not have the same disease,
Ý because there are so many different STD's
but you will be dying of early age.
*and never get a fuck in your life
Send this to 6 people or more.
If you get it back they love you too.
*and want to sex you
This is a true story.
If you don't send it, then you have no heart.
*nor a penis
Ý GIGANTE!!!

More Additional commentary by Shannon
i am sure this commentary will not be worthy of having in capitalized so as to be noticed. i am deeply offended that such a story was mutilated in this manner. but i have to add my own mutilations to it of course. i was dissapointed to find no one mentioned the GIGANTE portion of this porn fantasy. i was shocked really. this sounds like one of those dumb chicken soup for the soul books. did this lame story come there. i would not be a bit surprised.yes, and did anyone notice that this guy held on her to her hard dead body all day long. well i did. this guy is probably a serial killer. like jeffrey dahmer or something. no he is not the least bit psycho. i must say we are incredibly lame and have no heart. all every goddamn one of us. we are a bunch of sick bastards. who get off on making such a sweet story into a twisted porn fantasy of sorts. namely kell and natalie. shame, shame, shame.

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