A Story For Schwarzey
Schwartzey wanted me to write a story for her. Actually she wanted me to write an epic, but she didn't think I could finish that today, so she settled for a story. So I'm going to make it up as I go along.
Once upon a time in a far off land, there was a little girl named Melissa. Melissa was a very happy child, and she dreamed of a day when someday she could own her very own brothel. Melissa's parents were good christian folk, and as such, wanted her to attend such socially acceptable yet useless institutions as church, and school. Maybe even a day care, depending upon whether or not I decide to make Melissa rich or poor. One day she decided she didn't want to go to school, Being a very headstrong six year old, she declared "I'm not going"
Gently they assured her "You have to go! How will you get into college?" to which she repeated
"I'm not going"
"You're not going college?"
"Well how will you make a living, and assure your standing in our upper-class, mostly white community, not that we're racists or anything, because that would be socially unacceptable?"
Her parents don't want her to go to daycare. But they do want her to go to Sunday school. And some dumb ettiquette classes where all they ever talked about was such uselessness as which fork goes with which plate. Why oh why were they never happy with just one for, and just one plate? Did they LIKE doing the dishes or something?
"Whores"
At this the became rather touchy. Good Christian families do not allow the offspring to become whores "You will do no such thing, Young Lady! Shame on you for saying such things! Where ever did you hear such foul language?" It must be the internet. And all those violent Barbie Dance Club videos she watches.
"No, I won't BE a whore, I'm going to OWN whores, and a facility for them to adequately practice their art"
They maintained their disapproval. Good Christian families do not have anything to do with whores. Not even white whores. "ART! What they do is SODOMY! Jesus doesn't love the Sodomites! Jesus smite the Sodomites in the parable of the lost son? Don't you remember from Sunday school?"
"Well if Jesus is so concerned about it than he can come down here and help me make a living some other way"
"Oh, but he has, Honey! Jesus came down from heaven, was put on the cross and died for us! Then he rose again with glory to judge the living and the dead! Much like you must die every day at school, and rise again in glory to go back the following day, and judge the living and the dead based on what brand of clothes they're wearing."
They continuted "And when he was on earth, he founded a church, and the church started schools so you wouldn't have to live in ignomy and become a whore like your mother did...er...some women had to do...in Jesus' time...but have no reason to do in the modern age in which we live"
Suddenly it occured to Melissa that her parents talked in unison. Her dad didn't say something, anymore than her mom said something, but THEY said things. It was kind of creepy.
"You're asking me to be a whore to an even greater extent than the kind I'd like to market and occasionally have sex with"
"You musn't say such things, child!"
"And why not? What's wrong with wanting occasional sex from people I own? Dad, you own Mom, and she occasionally gives you sex, does that make you sodomites?"
"No, honey" they answered, still in unison "Your father and I are married, in the eyes of the state, in the eyes of the church, and most of all in the eyes of the tax collector. It's OK to be a whore in the sacred union of marriage. Wifehood evolved from concubines. These came from the concept of whoredom. But the church says this kind of prostitution is OK, because we paid them a large sum of money to be married in one of their buildings"
"You people just don't get it, do you? You're always saying idiotic things, just like those morons in Sunday school. But at least THEY know that Jesus didn't smite the Sodomites, that took place in the Old Testament, before Jesus's grandparents were even born. The parable of the lost son takes place in the New Testament. So even if they are Sodomites, apparently Jesus didn't care. And you just try and tell me he didn't occasionally get a free sample of their services or something? Not even on his birthday?"
Melissa's parents, being morons, were silent.
"I see that now that neither one of you are capable of even beginning to understand what I'm talking about. I thought I could make you understand, but apparently you're just too stupid. Luckly for me, this is just a fictional story, and the author WANTS me to get my whores, and have sex with them whenever I have nothing better to do. So for this reason, I'm going to request that you be eaten by a rare, giant, albino elephant coming working on behalf of this 'Jesus' person you're so fond of."
"What are you talking about? Elephant's arn't carniverous. And what on Earth would a giant, albin-"
Melissa's parents never got to finish their sentence, as there was a great rumbling, and the wall opposite where ever Melissa and her old people were standing came crashing down. Standing where it once was, there was a giant, rare albino elephant. To prove that it was in fact working for the Lord, it held in it's trunk a giant golden cross. Using this cross, it hit Melissa's parents on the side of the head, stunning them, and in turn making it that much easier for the rare, giant, albino elephant to eat them. In gratitude, Melissa vowed always to watch over the elephant, who she affectionately named "Marshall"
"No I didn't. If it can arrive through divine intervention, it can leave through devine intervention. And what kind of a name is Mar-"
Shut up little girl and take care of your whores and elephant.
Melissa looked around. The wall had been repaired. There was a room full of whores, ready to do Melissa's bidding, and Marshall was running around on the lawn, in the sprinklers, with his special friend, Nilla the Mongoose. They had a special barn by the side of the house where they were both very happy. None of Melissa's whores ever got pregnant, or had an STD. The johns were always nice and curteous. No rape ever took place in Melissa's house turned brothel, which she called "Melissa's Happy House-O-Whores!" And they all lived happily ever after.
THE END